You are My black hole
by orchids' dream
Summary: James and Lily had a very beautiful relationship. But when they had to go for different assignments.long distance created drifts and now there is someone else in James's life.How does lily feels?  Will they ever be together again? What do you feel?


**Black hole**

**Author's note**: I don't own any harry potter characters. But this story is very close to my heart. Currently one shot but do tell me whether I should continue it?

**Summary**: _James and Lily had a very beautiful relationship. But long distance created drifts and now there is someone else in James's life…How does lily feels? Will they ever be together again? What do you feel?_

**You are my black hole**

You know every time I thought may be god made me to do something special in this world…Now I know that I was made to love you so deeply that one can know about the depth of a black hole but not the depth of my love.

I love you…Many times these words have crossed many lips in the world and but do they know that love consumes your whole being. You are my black hole because you consumed me completely and wholly. I cannot see even a single ray of light and I was happy because your love kept me warm.

I felt safe with you that nothing will be able to hurt me when I was with you and I would have fought with the complete world and even death to keep you happy. But love you were my doom. You had the power to touch me and make me pure gold and you had the power to break me to ashes. It was just your decision to make because I gave away everything I had to you. Love I am not a phoenix that I'll be able to be reborn from my ashes.

I was a simple girl your love made me special. Now even if I die, I know I did one thing which was special. Because loving you was worth thousands of lives I could have lived. I would have denied heaven for you without blinking my eye if you would have called me.

I loved you with everything I had and now I don't have anything left. Can you make me whole? Because without you I am incomplete. You complete me. You are the reason I breathe. You have made me an addict. But this is different because even addiction can end but love this strong can only grow with time.

I don't know how I'll live without you. I have waited many years to call you mine in front of the world. I know you are mine. Even your heart knows that but you are too stubborn to even realize that. I can tell you now where your happiness lies but I won't because I know you won't believe me now.

Love if I would have had some time I could have proved it to you but the only thing I don't have is time.

My Love doesn't do this to me. Don't do this to her and top most of all don't do this to yourself. No one will be happy if you take that decision. At least give it some time. Think over it. Don't do this in a hurry. Because even though I don't know how to live without you, what will hurt me the most will if you get stuck with someone just because of an infatuation.

I won't tell you that you loved me more than her. I won't tell you that what we shared was more special than this but what I really want to tell you that what we shared was something special too...Don't brush this off as something unimportant.

I know she has supported you, she has been there for you 24x7 Love but that's not love that's addiction for comfort. I'll provide you every comfort you want just come to me this once. I'll take away all your confusions and pain.

She knows about you because you tell her what you feel. I know you because I am aware of every nook and corner of your heart. She can tell if you are upset by looking at your face but I can tell you just by listening to my heart. My heart tells me when you are happy or you are sad. Just one word from you and I understand all your feelings in and out.

I would have crossed mountains for you. I would have jumped into bottomless abyss but I cannot even think to live without you. You mean so much to me that I don't even imagine a life without you.

You care for everyone's happiness. You give a lot to others. I just expected your time and your love. But you couldn't give me that. You have always done a lot for others. I have always given everything for you. I have always done everything with you in my mind. Without you I don't have any purpose in life.

I admit I made mistakes I fought with you. I was never there for you. In fact I was the only problem in your life but Love above all I knew that once you'll come by my side. I'll take away all your pain.

Love don't go because I don't know the meaning of life without you. I know I should be happy if you are happy with her but please let me be sure that she'll love you as much as I do.

I have seen each and every moment of your life. I have seen you at your best; I have seen you at your worst. I love you and your complete being including your family and friends. I love them with the same intensity as you do because I loved you completely and irreversibly.

I have loved you when you loved me. I loved you when you tried to make me happy. I have loved you when you irritated me. I have loved you when you shouted at me. I have loved you when I was angry at you and I loved you when you were angry with me. I loved you when you became friends with her. I loved you when you grew closer to her and I still love you even when you have broken me down like glass.

She loved you when you gave her everything. Will she be able to love you when you won't? Will she be able to love you despite all your faults? Love I know and I can bet my life on this that No one can compete with my love for you.

Don't go Love. Don't go. Because no one will be able to give you that much love and care.

There will be a lot of people who love you. But no one will be able to give you the love I have for you.

You want me to be stay in your life as a friend. I do want to. But how can I see you with someone else.

How can I share something which is so dear to me? God gives only one life. How can I share it with her? Because you are my life. You don't want me to cry. How can I do so? Still I am trying for your happiness. She thinks she is your happiness. She thinks I couldn't take care of my relationship. Love I don't tell her when she tells me about how much you care for her that whatever happened was first mine. I was the first one to bring such a smile on your face. I was the first one to share your every secrets. I was the first one to love you and being loved by you. I know her love or whatever it is has blinded you now and you won't see the truth. But Love I know one day you will.

You were never together with me 24x7. You still loved me. You were with her I ask you Love. Is this love or is this just a habit.

She needs you to cross a road. She needs you to make a simple thing like coffee. I need you to breathe. I need you to stay alive. You are my heart, my eyes, my oxygen, my reason to live. Don't go away because when you'll realize that you still love me may be I won't be there. Not because I cannot wait for you but because the days without you will suck my life away.

Come back Love…. Don't lead her on Love. Don't lead her on. May be this is an habit and it will die but if you'll let it continue it won't. Don't hurt her too and don't hurt yourself too. I won't take you away from her. I won't snatch away your habit. I'll accept you completely with or without her but please come back before its too late.

I know I'll never say any of these things to you but you know me Love. You know how much this hurts me. Even you know that I love you the most in this world.

I'll never say any of these things to you Love. I'll never tell you again that I'll be broken beyond repair.

I love my parents...My friends…For them I force a smile on my face but this façade is squeezing every essence of my life from me. I know I should live for my parents and my friends and only because of my family I am still trying to live but Love from the past five years you have never let me live alone. I don't know how to live. I love my parents and am trying very hard to live for them but I am not able to.

You know you are absorbed so much in my system that even my body has stopped following my orders. My heart bleeds for you. My brain thinks only about you. My beats are erratic. I can't feel anything under my control. How can I live when my body has stopped responding to me?

When I first met you, I was a kid. You pranked me, teased me, gradually became my friend and then loved me like hell. The first three years of our relationship are my only hope. The time we spent were the best moments we spend there. Love can 11 months of living together for 24 hours a day can compete with loving you 24 hours a day without you being near me.

My friends tell me that you don't deserve to be loved like that. But how can I make my heart understand that it should stop loving you.

You always wanted me to smile and I always cried. My love didn't have any patience and I lost. Love I know you still love me. You still care for me somewhere in your heart. But don't forget my love in all the time you spend. Love if you spend some time with anyone you get fond of that person and you spent every single moment with her for last 11 months. But how can you reject the relationship we had without even giving it a single chance. How can you get attached to her so much that you forgot how much it had hurt when u thought that we won't be able to be together?

How can she attach herself to you knowing full well that you were mine? I never tried to hurt anyone in my life. How could she do this to me? How could you do this to me?

I know you both lied to me… especially her…on one hand she told me that she loves you only as a friend and your friendship is pure, I shouldn't accuse your friendship and concentrate on getting my love back on the other hand she said to you that your happiness lies with only you. That you both are sacrificing your love for me and that she only wants to be your friend but then she said you will always love her. I am not blind Love. I will not be with you if you think you love someone else. But I'll desperately wait for the day when you will realize how much I meant to you.

God please please…give my love back to me…I am spending every single moment of my days praying to all the Gods and fates to give my love back to me. I'll be happy to die in a second if you love me again like you loved me.

May be in your infatuation you will get together but Love I have kept you alive in my every thought where ever I went for the last two years when you were not with me. Love how can you not see the extent of my love?

Come to me. Spend time with me. Even then if you think that you don't care I won't stop. But give me just one chance. The first and last chance. But I know you won't give it and so I won't ask. I know today if I'll ask you to be with me in return of my unconditional love you'll be with me. But then my love won't be unconditional. I want you to come back to me with all your heart.

I could have lived without you if I was allowed to dedicate my life completely to my love but you are not allowing me to do even that. You want me to marry…To stay happy…But my only happiness is you… Your happiness… I once told you I am yours and I'll always be yours till the last breath of my life.

I am not able to see even a single face without you…I cannot even live a minute without you, then how can I allow anyone to be close to me…Love you are the only one and you will always be the only one.

I am alive…I walk…I sleep…I eat…But I don't live…I have forgotten how it used to feel to be happy…I am like an empty shell…You are my life Love…Without you I am nothing…I want to live…I want to smile…I want to feel…I don't want to be a zombie Love.

God you are the ultimate creator of world. Please take away my life, all my favorite things, my career, my money but please give me back my love wholly. I don't want to steal someone else's love but please give me back my love which is rightfully mine.

**Come back before I stop breathing…Come back before my eyes close forever…come back before my heartbeats stop.**

**Because one day you will realize how much I loved you and how much you loved me but on that day I won't be here besides you but I'll definitely smile from the sky for the first time even after death. Because even after death I know you'll mean the world to me.**

**Don't let me go Love. Don't let me go to a place from where I won't be able to come back however hard you try or however hard I wish to come back I won't be able to…**

**I'll not send this to you Love and I'll try to live for my family and friends but If my heartbeats betray me…Please someone let him see it to know how true my love was…How truly he was loved and how truly he'll be loved from wherever I go.**


End file.
